so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
