dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
