pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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