I cockslap morals
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
