Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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