It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
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