the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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