The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Even my vagina gasped.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
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