planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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