I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize