So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
