Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
