I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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