my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I AM VODKA MAN
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
