Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
she smelled like a LAN party
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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