the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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