you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
