Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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