He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
