so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
