Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
