I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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