afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
