after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
