Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
