Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I just want nice things and good sex
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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