i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
