i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
