Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
