i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize