If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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