I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
