I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
