The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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