atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize