well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
