All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I am puke
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
