Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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