Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize