Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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