picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
