ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Randomize
