Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
