my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
