thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
