it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Randomize
