i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
