Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
