I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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