he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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