you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
