Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
