batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
