He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
