you turned your livingroom into a bong?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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