i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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