Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
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