Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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