The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
