The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
