I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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