It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
