So drunk its hurt
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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