When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
