Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
