I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Randomize
