We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
