3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I need a burrito and a hug.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
