New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
