I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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