like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
