If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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