Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
