he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize