wat bout pragnant strippers??
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
