so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
